Today I sit contemplating and wondering. About what I have achieved and what I want to achieve. About amazing things that happen once you dream them and commit to them.
Last Friday was the most magical evening. For so many reasons: Because I got to meet and listen to the amazing Charlotte Eriksson (The Glass Child); because I got to create my art, with her, while she sang; because I has so many wonderful friends there to support me; because it was a beautiful venue; and most of all, because it was a dream that happened.
So as I sit and smile, and contemplate my dreams, I can start to decide the steps towards making my next dream come true. For me it starts with thoughts and feelings, words and pictures. I create some drawings or sketches, shadows of images and inspiration. As always for me it has to involve music, to inspire my ideas, to inspire my strength and spirit and often to inspire the actual dream!
This life in Art is so much fun, and so much chaos in my mind. I have to find time to calm the ideas and find a route to allow them to be set free. It would be easy to let them go, to allow the chaos to control me which would allow the chaos to reign supreme rather than the dreams. Or even worse, to let the chaos overwhelm me and to run from it, shutting down my creative mind. But part of this challenge of mine, this challenge of life is to acknowledge, welcome and love the chaos that exists. To rename it as inspiration, sensuality, power and Art. To find a song, or a tune or a colour or a word that leads me through the wonder that it is and lets me find the image or idea that I need, that Im looking for.
So take this piece of my mind, a little chaotic, a little dreamy, but mine. And take some time yourself to sit and wonder, to contemplate your dreams. To smile and be thankful for the dreams you have, and for the dreams you have achieved, and for whatever it is that makes you smile.
Happy Wondering
Susan xxxxxx
A little image link from Friday Night from the wonderful Ashley Meneely
Dreams are a wonderful thing aren’t they? They can inspire you and terrify you. Be something for your sleep time or something for your waking life. For some, they are merely shadows in the night or whispers of something else. For me they are my goals, my aspirations, my promises to myself, my fears, my challenges and my solutions. I create dreams for my life and in my life, I sometimes control my sleeping dreams, or I watch them and listen, wondering if they are showing me anything. Another Artist recently reminded me to watch my dreams and listen to myself. And they were right to do so. In the past few weeks I have found the solution or inspiration for several ideas within the period between sleeping and waking. And ideas and solutions are quite necessary in the weeks running up to an exhibition!
In October I was lucky enough to be asked to exhibit a couple of pieces in the Feminism in London in Art (FiLiA) exhibition, alongside some other amazing female Artists. It was this exhibition that introduced me to the beautiful venue and gallery, I’klectik. Eduard, the owner is a philosophic man creating a space for creative people of every ilk to come together and dream and inspire…. and create. I had to share this and the first person I thought of was The Glass Child (Charlotte Eriksson). Purely for selfish reasons, I wanted to hear her live and she rarely performs live gigs in the UK. So I sent some images of the venue to her and described it, selling it and crossing my fingers. Well, not only did she want to come to I’klectik, but she wanted me to join her, to come together and create something together. Bringing our own Arts together again.
Bloody yes I said!
So fast forward a few weeks and the wonderful Eduard asked if I wanted to use any of the space for exhibiting, which ended up being the whole space! So, keeping the theme of bringing music and my Art together I have spent the past few weeks listening with my soul to The Glass Child’s music and letting new images flow. It has been a manic and glorious few weeks, culminating in a beautiful day in London on Monday when I was able to set up and give my images a home for the week.
On Friday I will take some canvas, paint and brushes, have a drink, a chat and paint something fresh for the evening, and from the evening, from Charlotte’s voice and my heart.
So here’s to dreams and grabbing them with both hands.
Susan xxx
A little piece of my dreams in the form of poster prints below – these arrived yesterday and they are so gorgeous, I’m so happy with them. There are a limited number and I will be selling these on Friday evening but if you fancy one yourself then send me a mail susan@susanmerrick.co.uk xxxxx
It’s exactly two months today since one of my rocks left our lives, my life. My Dad died. Today in my wonderings I want to share with you some wondering I did while my Dad was ill. A couple of weeks before he died. I’m feeling stronger, so able to share, and I really want to share this. But it’s a bit of my rawness, so please be gentle with it.
“5.11.14
I need to write today about Dad. And the mess in my head and body. I have so much going on in my life but I think I need some space too- just for now… so here is my space…. filled with words. What I want, what I do, how I feel, none of it is planned or intended. It’s just there, here in my chest, neck, back, face, body.
I feel closed. Probably because if I open I will feel too raw and uncontrolled. I may need to do that, to go there, but I’m not sure how to except in small pieces. I’m not sure that’s even possible to do. I’ve cried and it helps. As does music, hugs with my babies, and sleep helps if it comes.
Work distracts, but I get confused, overwhelmed. My glass feels so full and not much tips the water over the edge.
My chest feels so tight it hurts and aches all the time. I need to breath and let that go but it’s not something that can just go. I can soften it a bit, and then it returns. Is that the feeling of stress? Depression? Grief? Or confusion? Who knows!
A run or walk may clear it for a bit, open space, out on my own, just breathing.
So what is this thing called grief that grapples us from the inside and outside? This consequence of huge change, loss, guilt, fear, confusion, an inability to help or talk or express…..anything.
My words stick. My messages remain unsent or edited. I’m fine. I’m fine. Because I am. And I’m not. Don’t worry, I’m ok. I’m aware of this darkness but it’s there, not here. When it creeps in I know and I have some releases. I know where to reach and that shines a light and lets it out. Softens it.
So what is this thing called grief? That I’m experiencing it’s different. Different to before and I’ve known it before, but not at this time, not now with this life. Is it different every time?
And the strangest thing. He is still here. He hasn’t gone, not physically and not fully in his mind either. But he’s letting go, his soul is fading and he’s ok with that. I’m glad he is ok, glad he has some peace. But his body isn’t doing his bidding. It’s not quite ready, it won’t just go because he is ready.
So I watch her cope and not cope, and I cope and not cope along with her but not with her. She has me, but she is alone. No one can go through this with her, not in the same way.
So what is this thing called Grief? I found a definition……‘A multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed.’ That’s just not deep enough….
So I found this. Saudade: A Galician word – with no direct English translation.
‘A deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent someone or something that one loves. The love that remains.’”
Two months on is not long, but it also feels like it is, like it was so long ago already. I have lost someone so strong and so important in my life, and it has shaken me to my core, but that is ok. I am ok. Death is something we often shy away from, we don’t often talk about it except in dark or hushed tones. But it is part of our cycle, as normal as birth and life. I recently had a wonderful discussion with Diane Goldie about this matter and how differently cultures around the world treat death and the subject of it. How, without fear of death we can perhaps be free to enjoy our life and all that comes with it. Perhaps. I’m so new to this thing called death, having spent so long myself shying away from the subject. But what I will take from it is to love. As whether we lose people to death or other ways, if I spent my life not connecting, not feeling, not growing and touching and experiencing, then I shall not feel that I have lived at all.
This week has been full of wonderful Art. I met with the lovely Eduard at I’klectik in London to make plans for the Music, Art and Passion on the 30th Jan. Its going to be such a fun evening and Eduard will make it so cosy for us all.
In the week running up to the gig I am going to be exhibiting some of my new work in I’klectik alongside some of my previous work, all inspired by The Glass Child. I wanted to go with this theme not only because we are doing this beautiful gig together, but because I am truly inspired by her music and lyrics. I can go from staring at a blank canvas to painting like crazy just by turning on one of her albums. I find that I am like this with any music that speaks to me, that I feel. When I connect with music I can feel the anger, the sadness, the joy, the power or strength, the love or sensuality of it. It’s this connection and these feelings that I then interpret onto the canvas or screen. I dance with the brush, with the colours. I sit back, listen again and let it go. It’s a beautiful feeling. Here is a sneak peek of one of the pieces that has grown this week.
I have also had some lovely editorial work to do this week for The Mother Magazine. They have some really beautiful and raw poetry in this issue and I’ve created an illustration for this. Again, being able to connect with words and feelings makes my job so fantastic, and what I love about it.
I’ve also made another couple of lovely connections and am jumping (yep 34 yr old jumping!) with excitement about this year and what I have planned, and what may also be around the corner.
What’s around the corner for you? I hope it makes you smile.
Susan xx
I was recently given a beautiful and fun workbook to plan my Art goals for the next year. Its been a really great tool to get me focused and make my goals feel achievable. If you are looking for something similar for your own business or project then click and have a look!
Until quite recently I would not have described myself as a planner. I rarely made plans for the future and I never made resolutions. I always felt it more important to go with the flow, the flow of my life, of events around me and how I felt each day, month, week and year.
My partner is a planner, so we worked well this way really, I would say!
However, in the past year I have realised that I do often make plans, but I call them goals. And for a long time I kept these goals hidden or quiet. For fear I guess of not achieving them. Or of hyping them up with a fear of disappointment.
Also, there is a risk when you ‘go with the flow’ that you always do things based on everyone around you, rather than what you want yourself. It can also be frustrating for those around you if it appears like apathy!
I am entering 2015 with many plans, goals and dreams and ways of attaining them. At home we have made great plans for our home, travel and social life. In my Art business I have plans and dreams and huge excitement. I’m no longer afraid of these things or these terms. It doesn’t matter if plans change or we don’t quite achieve what we set out for. What is amazing is the journey, the fun in planning and doing, the collaboration and inspiration that comes from talking about dreams and aspirations. We can still ‘go with the flow’ alongside this, but we are creating that flow ourselves, or at least the direction of it!
I will leave you today with some lyrics from a song I love and it fits with me for this year and how I like to live my life.
Happy Wondering, Susan xxxx
‘Keep on the Sunny Side’, 1899 by Ada Blenkhorn (1858–1927)
There’s a dark & a troubled side of life
There’s a bright, there’s a sunny side, too
Tho’ we meet with the darkness and strife
The sunny side we also may view
Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side,
Keep on the sunny side of life
It will help us ev’ry day, it will brighten all the way
If we’ll keep on the sunny side of life
Published in What A Lovely Sound! Starflower Press
